push it up bitch.

hi. lately things have been pretty weird. ive been working too much and am suddenly boy crazy. me and paul kind of flopped as in we aren't doing well. he doesnt want to be "dating/attached to anyone while gone in europe." and i want to kiss other boys and feel good about it i guess. i want to feel good about myself. i think more than that, he just wasn't making me happy as he admits to not being "into this." i interpret "this" as "me" but i don't have enough time to dwell. i still sent him the package he doesn't really deserve. i realize he didnt really even kiss me on the mouth before sex when i visited. that is automatically always a red flag. my bad.

since i've been bummed about that, i've been wearing push up bras and seeking out/fantasizing about boys. the list explains and names names:
-zak. coworker. skinny. elusive. mysterious. nice teeth/hair.
-andrew. younger pal from greatest party ever. last seen at do make say think.
-mark. boater and competitive sailor. classically attractive. architect. generous. good kisser. summer fling material.
-zach hooker. can't wait till he gets home from sk. fantasize about holding his hand and showing him off. fantasize about him showing me off.
-mike. coworker. bartender. good hugger. kind voice. makes me smile.
-can't name/list due to girlfriend/friend issues.
-can't name/list due to age/friend issues.
end transmission.