i'll unlock the door and step inside/ put the bags right down beside the door and start to cry.

ensimismada!

all i want to do is listen to that song over and over again. "i've begun to hate the ceiling like i never loved the sky."

it has come to my attention that there are rumors circulating that i have a "job." this is almost true. i have an unpaiiiiid internship. in fact, i had my first day at my internship today and it seems like it's going to be pretty sweet. it's at a small academic press downtown, the people are nice, and they let me do lots of stuff.

it is part time so i guess i could get a part time job, too, to pay for living expenses and such. that, or get real serious about making my lunch and maybe learn how to make my own beer? or bathtub gin?

so. i'd recently been spending all my time with this one boy i like a lot, and i said goodbye to him yesterday. and now he is far away, and it feels strange not to be sharing what i'm eating with him and not to be waking up next to him. and next week he will be very, very far away. for a long time. it's stupid.

so i am lonely and in the city and i don't feel like i know the city anymore. i need someone to show me around brooklyn and be bike pals with me. i need to unpack all the boxes in the living room and find my alarm clock and other important things.

"just take me to the country and some trees/ take me with you."

ps.
a very incomplete list of things that i've done since i last wrote here:
*saw fucking merzbow
*moma
*dia beacon
*hiked around in a rhode island state park looking for finnish musicians
*found them
*rode a really small mountain bike around albany suburbs
*slept in a radio station
*saw of montreal ... again