tougher than i thought

it is tougher than i thought. this whole like staying home and writing a paper thing. it's a shitty day so i don't want to go outside, and i am definately enjoying having the house to myself. it is 60 degrees though. the rain melts me, or atleast makes my hair gross.

my eyes are foggy and my hair smells nice. i dressed for the spring today but couldn't bring myself to put real pants on yet.

i want someone to tell him "hey man, you had her, but you gave it up."

all i ever wanted was to be your spine

so to clevo and back.
i still feel a little bit sick. i also still feel like an idiot for missing my flight and having to drive back today. shit.

i got new boots and if i had a camera, i would post a picture because, yes, they are that cute.

after 6 straight days together, i decided to call it quits with paul. i am "junking" the car so to say. we got along better in those days in cleveland than i think we ever have, but we still didn't get along swimmingly. relationships are supposed to be fun. you're supposed to love the other person and want to spend time with them. they are not supposed to be a chore and a constant fight or struggle. i'm worn down on this whole thing so i gave it up. i will probably miss him though.

back to the grind.

to do/ what i missed/ what i dreamed

haircut
buy rite aid cold and flu for marissa
buy red pepper flakes for chris
bar interviews at blaggards for the last time ever
mail bar paperwork
pack bags
learn german
go!

apparently last night when i left the bar early, i missed:
a guy in a speedo
drugs
ben
cocksuckers vs. carpetmunchers dart tournement
another round of shitty brooklyn lager

i was at tufts and
a) i found out there was a math class i was enrolled in but never went to, so apparently, i didn't actually graduate (everyone has that dream, all the time, i know).
b) there was snow all over the ground and someone ran up to me and said "hey, it's a game! it's a contest! whoever walks without slipping and falling down WINS!" and i was thought, isn't that what people would normally be trying to do anyway?
c) the same old toothless man and broken staircase that appear in all of my dreams were there, too.

remember when ferris almost killed all of us with that sword?

but really it's like this

you don't even know how to drive. i mean, you sort of do, like if your friends were all bleeding and convulsing in the backseat you'd probably be able to get them to the hospital okay, well maybe, but you've only had six driving lessons and you've failed your roadtest twice. you have to renew your learner's permit, because every time you go to a bar the bartender is like hey you should really renew this learner's permit. so do you go renew the learner's permit, even though it'll cost like $40 and you'll have to wait in lines all day? you know you're not going to learn to drive soon, cos nobody has the time or the courage to teach you, so really, what's the point? i mean it's not like bartenders won't serve you. they just scold you a little bit. then again, it's good to have legal ID, i guess, and who knows when somebody will offer to let you drive their car? so do you go to the dmv this week, or wait until you're back from germany? wait, doesn't a passport count as legal ID? hmm, who else do you know with a car? will adam ever let you drive his volvo? is this an extended metaphor, or have i just had too much coffee?

its kind of like

an old car. you get it for cheap, or even for free. over time you put some money into it here and there when little things break; you know, windshield wipers and brake pads. when bigger things break or need replaced, sometimes it is easier to do that than look for a new car, so you pay for it, and you keep paying for it. eventually, it hits you: when do i stop putting money into this piece of junk? when do i sell it for 25$ to the junk yard and find a new car? do i scrap it now, or do i wait and see if the car pulls through until it really is totalled?

hey guess what

hey guess what

the planets are aligned

or something.

weird things have been happening.
i lost 2 earrings today. one each from 2 seperate sets. does that make sense?
i panicked and thought i had no money to get home on the T and seriously considered asking someone for 1.25$.
i am having dilemas surrounding friends and smells.
i also spent all my money shopping today. i mean, not all my money. i have other money in my clevo account but its just inaccessible to me right now. i have to wait for my new card or something.
i have a car this weekend. its parked right out front. you wanna go for a drive?
i think i have an infection.

top three conversations had while administering beer drinking surveys tonight (thanks guys!)

1.
me: how many times a month do you drink imports?
guy: how many times a month do you have sex?
me: i'm not answering that.
guy: okay, then how many times a month do you make out?

2.
me: hi, i'm doing a survey on beer drinking. do you have a few minutes?
guy: sure, but only if you dance with me.
me: um, no, but i can give you five dollars.
guy: i feel used.

3.
me: on a scale of 1-5, wha--
guy: you're a five!

REFLECTION

i have been journalling a lot lately. we're talking like the last two days straight. i sort of hate this journal though. i hate to leave it unfinished and start a new one, but i hate all of the emotions tied up in it. i tend to rant and then later staple/glue pages together, or cover them in pictures. it's half scrap book, half idea writing, half reflection, half crabiness, half growing up.

i want a scrap book. some type of journal that i fall in love with and can write happy things in and glue pictures, ticket stubs, and show friends - show kids.

does anyone have pictures from my party? japan! and who wants to accompany me to the barking spider in clevo close to thanksgiving time? i never go there but i seem to miss it.

also, my book on bodyworlds has a funny chapter called "or why it is okay to laugh at dead bodies." and "or why it is okay to laugh at dead bodies part deux."

coors light is a beer for someone like me

so apparently my new job (temporary, obvi) is going to bars and interviewing men 21-49 about their beer drinking preferences. i am an "ethnographer" for a market research company. this should be really funny. i'll tell stories, if there are any good ones.

pimpin' all over the world

five memories from jacqueline's birthday party:
1) actually grabbing my little yellow notebook out of my bag to write down "pimpin' all over the world" so i would remember to download it. i think it might be one of those rap songs that, in the words of chuck klosterman (this may well be the only worthwhile thing he's ever said, though), is so good it makes you want to die. actually, it might not be that. but it's still funny, and i like the part at the end where he's all, if your wheels spin counterclockwise, you are definitely not pimpin'.
2) talking to alex parachini until, oddly, he could only express himself in elvis costello lyrics.
3) being 30% responsible for spilling two glasses of wine (patrick was 70% responsible). taking my dress off cos wine spilled on it just kidding.
4) taking my beautifully silkscreened japan shirt to the bathroom to hang it up to dry, and trying to find a way to drape the shirt over a hanger. having adam brown point out to me that i could just put the hanger through the neck of the shirt, like a normal person. this is when it occurred to me that i might be a bit drunk.
5) stars, balloons, whales, goldfish.

tonight i hung out with this guy from minneapolis, leah's boyfriend's best friend. apparently he grew up in new york city until he was nine, but this was his first time back, and i was the first person he'd talked to in three days. so that was interesting. we got japanese food at the place with the light-up bear outside and walked around and went to places he remembered from being little... coney island and ps6.

fun fact about guy from minneapolis: he's staying at an apartment with two cats named hutu and tutsi.

yeah.

started making berlin plans with marissa. it's funny, i'm planning to meet her somewhere (i keep wanting to say "somewhere downtown," or "somewhere in the city center," but marissa protests emphatically and says that berlin has no downtown or center, which seems strange, but i'm going to assume she knows what she's talking about, so i guess i mean "somewhere closer to the physical center of the city than her neighborhood which is sort of on the outskirts"), and i asked if there was a coffeeshop or a bar that she could suggest meeting at that would be open late, and she said, starbucks! awesome.

mad loot revisited:
-sushi
-vegan cake
-cupcakes
-suckers (the awesome kinds)
-bonsai tree
-bonsai tree care book
-tickets to the nutcracker
-$$ from family
-stickers from mb
-hand spun wool from amherst
-a book (from neighbor upstairs)
-a box with stars and kangaroo finger puppet
-penguin slippers love card
-a cars record
-origami paper
-asian stationary (it is AMAZING)
-a 30 rack pbr
-a bottle of portugese wine
-an "I am 5 today" pin
-a hamburger change purse
-2 dirtless orchids
-a sluglike/aquaticlike plant
-countless phone calls and text messages and online messages

i feel very loved and am very appreciative that my friends took time money and effort to celebrate my birthday with me. the party was a lot of fun and a surprising amount of people came. the boys had their respective hook ups and i think we were all up for the sunrise in our respective rooms. ferris whacked the godzilla pinata filled with japanese candy with a samurai sword, and there was plenty of oragimi, silkscreening japan onto clothing, and wine spillage. we took 3 hours to clean and recover and eat waffles on the porch today.
thanks friends. you made me happy. i love you!!

wow.

ok so my pals are amazing. they have gotten me the most amazing gifts for my birthday. they have been incredibly thoughtful and amazing to spend time with during my birthday season.
mad loot:
-sushi
-vegan cake
-cupcakes
-suckers (the awesome kinds)
-bonsai tree
-bonsai tree care book
-tickets to the nutcracker
-$$ from family
-stickers from mb
-hand spun wool from amherst
-a book (from neighbor upstairs)

party tonight. japan themed:
twin little stars as birthday palz (patty and me)
sushi
godzilla pinata
yen
oragami
sake

modern boot cut size 8 stretch

hey palz. birthday time.
im currently not doing anything. boring.
it's making me kind of sad.
see yous.

apple cider and gin:

it's really not as bad as you think it's going to be!

1. i'm packing a bag for boston. i hate packing, so much. it never fails to make me irrationally anxious. the apple cider and gin helps, though.

2. i really want to watch chungking express, but the blockbuster near my house is out of it. if i remember correctly, though, this is the movie ex-roommate adam brown has TWO copies of. so maybe i can watch one (or BOTH?) this weekend.

3. this really, really nice guy said he would read p.g. wodehouse to me over the telephone until i fall asleep.

4. adam's non-boyfriend might get me a job as an "ethnographer." what this actually means is going to cheesy awful upper east side bars and asking men between 21 and 40 about their drinking preferences.

5. two job interviews in one day?!

6. the JAPAN PARTY. omg.

someone ruined my oragami.

right now i am really into:
-body worlds.
-wine + homework.
-wax.
-sleeping.
-sex.
-cutting.
-amy arriving tomorrow.

get out of the car/ put down the phone/ take off that stupid looking hat you wear

i'm going on vacation on thursday! a somerville vacation, which is the best kind.

vacation.

i remember when i was playing scrabble, with daniel of all people, two years ago, and we found the word zacaton in the scrabble dictionary, except we thought it said ZACATION. and we were like, what the fuck is a zacation? and then we read the definition and it was "mexican grass." and we probably said "so chill!"

yeah.

okay i have to iron this shirt now.

itinerary

boston on the 10th, berlin on the 28th. holy shit awesome.

8AM rats

it's true, i had to be up at 8 am today to feed and water research rats. there are 40 of them and it took 2 hours.

i wanted it so bad today, finally got it, and it wasn't even fun. i need a rum and coke. bad.

happy birthday patrick. happy new waffle maker. happy tv time.

accelerated chalupa application process

IN DREAMS.
i just woke up from a dream wherein adam, emily goldstein and i were all applying to some sort of job together, and instead of the regular enchilada/ email application process, we opted for the accelerated chalupa application process, which allowed us to meet the staff at the office in person. and, naturally, we had to make them chalupas, instead of enchiladas.

IN REAL LIFE.
+tonight i'm seeing casiotone
+tomorrow i'm working on a job application
+saturday i'm being dragged to an international socialist organization party
+next week i'm lirring to hempstead to see murakami read

and your hair looks GREAT!

i stepped on a dead squirrel today that was on the sidewalk.

1 pedestrian, 2 bike pile up.

we rode to chinatown to a party last night as 3 skeletons, a tennis player, a bat, a blank canvas and an existentialist. emily hit a pedestrian, then i hit her and we both fell off of our bikes. her wheel is fucked up, but all in all, it was a good bike crash. comical to say the least.

the party was ok. music not so good, not enough people, but fun atmosphere.