my plot to make everyone nocturnal

seriously, wtf. why don't i have anyone to hang out with me at 3am? i'm bored. this is why i'm getting alexis and steve and geoff to all work at my job and stay up late with me.

i should be packing. i'm moving on friday! here is a picture i drew of my new apartment:

the room with the A on it is mine.

some dudes came by and bought my big dresser today and it made me pretty sad to sell it... i wasn't really ready to let go of it but they had their station wagon downstairs and so i dumped all my clothes out of it and let them take it.

moving shouldn't be so bad. i'm buying a lot of the furniture that's already in the room, and nicole's dad has a station wagon i can use, and the girls who are moving out are nice, and chris will be here friday to help, and my dad amazingly doesn't mind reinstalling the air conditioner and the lamps he just put up in this apartment. i think i'm going to paint the room purple.

i really really hate packing. hahha i just noticed my ironing board is still in the plastic it came in... i didn't even touch it. okay. i'm packing tomorrow. i swear.

"people in cleveland are depressed. i'm gonna hang out with them."

thanksgiving was pretty much awesome. it was a year of new traditions and even more delicious food. ever since my grandmother died, we have all gotten so much closer. i'm sure she smiles down on us because she devoted her life to bringing our two families together atleast once a week.

i saw about a hundred million friends from middle school and high school. elizabeth herget gave me an amazing jacket and various other incredible birthday gifts. the drama was all positive and i can't thank my friends more for being the awesome people they are. in two weeks i'll be in philly hanging with b and b anyway and i'm sure i'll come back then too and post how i love them a lot. beth is an amazingly strong and inspiring person.

i got piss drunk last night by like 9 pm at the sligo pub. i love it. that is what we do and i love that i'm (really) doing well in school yet living life and having fun. "fuck hard, live life, drink beer."

i'm really quite happy.

christmas vacation

cleve is great. i also had a wonderful time at patrick and evi's bonfire before i left. i was finally feeling better and so i drank whiskey and had a blast singing pretty much any and every song i knew the words to, that patrick or peter knew the guitar to. it lasted for hours.

thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. it was especially eventful yesterday. we are all getting older, drinking more, and laughing a whole lot more. i'm so lucky to have the family that i do. above is a portion of the family applepicking in the fall.

yesterday we watched chevy chase:
“And I'm gonna look him straight in the eye, and I'm gonna tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing, lowlife, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spiny-necked, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol!”

and arrested development was showing the entire season two on this weird channel that we get on the huge tv called hdnet:
"Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? (laughs) This party is going to be off the hook."

it is ultimate...

i want to get a job writing slogans that make other people fall in love.

if neal is only half in love with me, this gift i am making him will push him over the other half of that love ledge.

picture me right now, with sick eyes, perfect posture, and a fur hat perched on my head. or maybe this hat perched on my head...


i'm finally feeling better from this wretched sickness so i'm drinking beer. we babysat 2 mice yesterday and we want to adopt them permanently as pets (no, not pests!).

it is finally cold enough to wear my expensive boots.

my auntie joy has outslept me today even though i am sick with a cold and cough. its the worst being sick because i always get depressed and wish i had some companion to take care of me. i woke up sad and missing justin this morning because i realize it has been a month and a half since we broke up - we don't talk and i find myself missing things that i'm not sure i'm entitled to miss. i felt pathetic for not being over it yet and emily said to me "it doesn't matter how long you were dating him, or how long you weren't dating him. you love him." maybe it was a little more dislike than love.

even though im sick and feeling babyish, i'm toughening up. toughening up as we speak! as i eat this apple pie for breakfast! i'm not even wearing socks even though my feet are freezing because i am that tough! i am tough enough that i'm hardly studying for a huge and hard exam monday! tough enough that i will probably wear a dress through the cold with a cold to maureen's play and then go party after on my bike to jp! tough enough that i wiped out on my bike two days ago and sustained only a few bruises! (that is the first crash that i haven't ended up in the hospital!) tough to say it was a little more dislike than love becasue that's a lie! tough enough that i tell you "good luck, get fucked," in closing!

sleep sleep sleep, go to sleep

two hours of sleep last night, up at seven to meet the broker in brooklyn, paid my deposit in cash jesus christ.

having drinks with my poetry teacher tonight totally feels like a date.

yeah i am moving to pacific street with joon and nicole. we'll have a dressmaker's dummy in the living room. because nicole is a dressmaker i mean designer. i want to paint my room something between plum and fuschia.

i went to my mom's house to take a nap today and she read me a story from the believer to make me fall asleep. i don't think she's read to me since i was very tiny.

all i want to eat is cookies.

we got a new oven and me and gay roommate number two baked cookies and hung out. while they were in the oven he goes in the bathroom and says let's do a mask. for real. he's gay like gay people on sitcoms. it was a kiehl's mask and actually pretty great.

i'm listening to windy and carl. their music is so womb-y.

here's a picture i drew of them:

i'm currently obsessed with:

-whiskeytown
-my new pink bag
-calling steev
-going to new orleans
-getting all my work done
-not showering
-health and fitness
-my new boots

the day after

the day after your birthday is always the worst day. you are suddenly sober, and you start to remember all the people that forgot your birthday, like your friend (((ex))) boyfriend that you still love, your aunt and your grandma (the only living grandparent you have). you remember how much your feelings were hurt by another (((ex))) boyfriend that you still love, that you're still in love with, and you remember how on the previous night, on your one month break up anniversary, you were finally worn down enough, heartbroken enough to give up, and give him exactly what he wants - for you to do just that: give up. you kick yourself for not asking the other birthday boy at the bar on a date, and typically, you're hungover and tired enough from staying up late, drinking, and the rain outside to sort of forget how awesome all your friends are until you see the flowers balloons, presents, and ludacris posters hanging around the house. so in order to counter this feeling of lonliness, sadness, and feeling like vomitting from the coffee/beer combo, you send a message to your best friend of all time about the state of your life. you put your head down and begin to plow through the huge pile of graduate student homework that you seem to always have and hope that the day is over soon. you hope that you will be able to fall asleep early even though you slept in until 2 pm. you hope you start to hope again the next day: that the (((ex))) boyfriend that you still love, that you're still in love with, will reconsider and fix everything that is broken, that your friend (((ex))) boyfriend will say hes sorry for forgetting your birthday and visit you on thanksgiving to give you a big hug and kiss, and that grandma will buy you a new pink bike for your birthday that she forgot even though she has no memory deficits.

good luck, get fucked

so, we've built up the house from 4 to 6 bros. boys are throwing me for a loop lately: zach took me by surprise just as i had stabilized myself to be "just friends," and justin came over last night and gave me a birthday present "that is shocking." i'm being surprised in good ways that lead to overthinking and transforming into surprised in bad ways. i've been on/off crippled with depression. it is my birthday tomorrow.
i'm going to lay in bed and read a book now. see ya.

long reach stapler

i'm trying to teach myself how to make a book. i'm maybe buying a serious stapler on ebay. i'm reading about the term "printers spread."

my book will be called INSTRUCTIONS FOR HAMSTERS.

and today i got a job (thanks, craigslist) decorating cookies at a bakery in red hook. i start next tuesday.

and tomorrow i'm going ice skating with people from my old job.

hold on to me

we had a killer halloween party. i'll post pictures later sometime.

just kicked it in chicago for 4 days. i had a great time. it was basically perfect.

gotta run to patty's birthday!
also my birthday is saturday. amy, come!

i said "hands up, who likes me?"

all of a sudden jacq started blogging like crazy so i'm scrambling to catch up. today i went to the record fair with a bunch of boys who have record players and wandered around and tried to help steve find good bowie but mostly wandered around. it is not that fun looking through used cds. i brought along the last of the cookies i baked at lex's house the other night and gave them to geoff. i told him to give one to steve, but i think he forgot, and he is probably discovering it in his linty pocket right now, isn't he? have i mentioned there's a dead rat in my oven? that's why i have to bake at lex's apartment. because if i turn my oven on my apartment smells like burnt dead rat. it's really awful. we're working on getting a new oven. meanwhile i do my baking down the block. anyway, the cookies were really fantastic. i made them from a martha stewart recipe, which is funny. here it is: http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=recipe1235&catid=cat22041&navLevel=4

YEAH. you should go make those cookies, if you want. anyway then after the record fair i went to work, and work was cool because i finally got to watch a show that i sincerely enjoyed watching: family guy. mostly i get assigned shows about redecorating your home for various reasons with experts. and then i got out of work early so i called chris and we went to see borat. there was a line around the block. it was pretty awesome. the part where he forgives azamat by nuzzling him with his nose was pretty good.

last week i decided i really wanted a hamster so i found some on craigslist/free, but then i backed out, because the guy didn't want to give me the cage and i started doubting my hamster mom abilities. i haven't killed my jade plant yet, though, depression or no depression. now i'm thinking maybe i want a bunny.

my birthday party was pretty fun. i'm sorry you missed it, kish. for my birthday i got:
an origami fold-a-day calendar
a book by ian mcewan
very strong magnets
teacups
a laser printer
daisies
chinese lanterns
a visit to bamn

i'm gonna go try and get chris to stop doing homework and play scrabble now.

oh, and my gynecologist is moving to rome. i'm pissed at her.

oh, and here's a photo of my kitchen with the Exotic Lamps in it:

do you like me?

zac is in the living room drinking gin and singing to the old 97's. he is going to take a bath.

the doctor made me feel good about being single/not having a boyfriend: "oh you probably don't have time or energy for that anyway..." but i gained 9 pounds since last year.

charlotte giggled all goddamned day. apparently charlotte loves to go to cvs and she ate like a champ. we met another charlotte that was half her age (literally) at the swingset.

i made delicious salad for dinner and am excited to go to my school placement tomorrow. i missed it last week. learning in school is legit right now. lots of new information is being thrown my way and i'm *sort of* applying it to my life.

i'm off to chicago to hang with neal. we will go to lucero friday, see the christian dior collection at the chicago historical society, go to too much light..., drink beers, buy new boots, celebrate my birthday early (it's the 11th in case you wanted to come to celebrate in boston), drink beers, and generally bro.